Enforceable Statements

 Staff,

I wanted to share an excerpt from a recent Love and Logic October blog on enforceable statements. As we move into November, it is a good reminder to use statements we can control, follow through on and state in a positive way for our students. 

The Difference Between Enforceable and Unenforceable Statements

Let’s look at the common unenforceable statements we often use: “Stop fighting!” or “Hurry up!” While these commands are clear, they’re not enforceable—what can you really do if your child chooses not to comply? This is where frustration builds, and repeated warnings or raised voices tend to follow.

Now, let’s turn those unenforceable statements into enforceable ones:

• Instead of “Stop fighting!” try saying, “I’ll be happy to talk to you when your voices are calm.”
• Instead of “Hurry up!” say, “We will leave as soon as you’re ready.”

In both examples, you’re expressing what you will do in response to their actions, rather than demanding they change their behavior. This subtle shift makes all the difference. It puts the ball in their court, and because they know you mean what you say, they’re more likely to make the choice you hope for.

For more examples of enforceable and unenforceable statements, and to download the PDF, visit this page.

Creating enforceable statements is easier than you might think, and with a little practice, it will become second nature. Here’s a simple guide to get you started:

1. Focus on What You Can Control: Begin your statements with “I will” or “I am,” focusing on what you can do, not what you want your child to do.
2. Be Specific and Concise: Keep your language clear and to the point. Avoid lengthy explanations—children respond best to simple, direct statements.
3. Use Positive Language: Frame your statements in a positive way, showing what will happen, rather than what won’t. For example, “I’ll serve dinner when the table is set,” instead of, “No dinner until the table is set.”
4. Prepare for Follow-Through: Be ready to act on your statements. Consistency is key, so make sure you’re prepared to follow through every time.

Take a moment to practice. Write down a few unenforceable statements you find yourself using often. Now, try transforming them into enforceable ones using the tips above. The more you practice, the more natural this will feel, and you’ll soon notice a significant change in how your children respond to you.

Benefits of Using Enforceable Statements

The benefits of using enforceable statements extend far beyond immediate compliance. Here are just a few reasons why this approach is so powerful:

Improved Compliance: When children understand that the consequences are within your control and will be consistently enforced, they’re more likely to follow through.

Reduced Power Struggles: Enforceable statements shift the responsibility to the child, reducing the likelihood of arguments and resistance. They are less likely to push back when they feel they are making their own choices within your defined limits.

Building Respect and Trust: This approach fosters mutual respect. Children learn that you mean what you say, and that trust builds over time as they see you consistently follow through with empathy and love.

The Love and Logic Team